


love me (wherever you are)

by petrichorishly



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Arguments, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Post-Devil Face Reveal to Chloe Decker, TDN True Partners Valentine's Challenge, post 3x24, working through issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-27 19:30:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17772866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petrichorishly/pseuds/petrichorishly
Summary: Chloe has seen the truth and Lucifer has disappeared. Two months and no one has heard from him. But Chloe hasn't given up hope that he will return, even if she doesn't know what his return would mean for either of them.





	love me (wherever you are)

**Author's Note:**

> Part of TDN’s True Partners Challenge. The original prompts were _gold, penthouse, Welsh Love Spoons_ and the quote from 3x22 _“I want you. All in. The whole deal. So, there.”_  
>  My partner was the lovely snowymary and I couldn’t have been happier to get such a wonderful, talented and genuinely nice partner. I was lucky enough to get to meet her in person in Brighton and even if it was just for a few short moments, I felt it made working together on this even more special.  
> Thanks to snowymary for taking the time to beta this.
> 
> Title from Razorlight's _Wire to Wire_.

She had lost count of how many times she had ridden the elevator up to the penthouse since he’d disappeared. It was always the same, anyways. The doors would open, the view of the piano tinged in the golden light from the bar a familiar sight.

But no one ever sat on the bench. No notes sounded from the instrument and the penthouse was always uncomfortably silent. Without Lucifer, Lux, and the entire building with it, had lost its liveliness. It had, for lack of a better word, died. Chloe knew it had. She had seen enough death in her life to know exactly what it felt like.

One of the most recent dead bodies she had stood before was still constantly at the forefront of her mind. The curved knife in the man’s chest, the room around him in total disarray, feathers on the ground. Not for the first time she wondered why these things were clearer in her memory than the man who had stood over the body of Marcus Pierce.

_Not a man at all._

She remembered, of course. The thing of nightmares that had spoken with Lucifer’s voice. She remembered its horrible flinch, when it had caught sight of its red and scarred hand. She had blinked and Lucifer had stood before her, just like she always knew him. Only his expression had given away that something was wrong. She had stood frozen as Lucifer—the _Devil_ —backed away, her mind reeling and her heart pounding, whether out of fear or something else, she hadn’t been able to tell.

He had disappeared a heartbeat later. And he didn’t reappear again.

But now Chloe knew the truth and with him absent she found that she simply couldn’t wrap her head around any of it. Coming to the penthouse helped. So, that was exactly what she did every few days. Sometimes she would sit at the piano, the lid closed over the keys, other times she would stand out on the balcony, taking in the view.

It gave her some much needed perspective. Everything felt more real up in his penthouse, the ghost of his presence lingering long after it had disappeared from the rest of the building. She could almost see him, an easy smirk on his lips as he sipped on a drink or smoked a cigarette. It made him seem more… human. She used to think she had him all figured out. But now she knew. And suddenly there was so much more to him than the rich LA playboy. She didn’t think she could begin to fathom who Lucifer Morningstar really was.

If only he were here to explain.

At the precinct everyone walked on eggshells around her. Today had been especially trying, with Ella constantly asking her if she was okay, and Dan hovering as if she might break down any second. Eventually, she had had enough for the day. She had sought out the acting lieutenant who still gave her pitying looks—probably because he had heard about her and Pierce—and he had immediately granted her the rest of the day off. Much to her relief. The day before, Trixie had begged her to have a sleepover at her friend’s house despite it being a school night and Chloe had given in, leaving the apartment to Chloe for the night. But that’s not where she wanted to be.

She had driven to Lux instead to spend the evening there on her own. She understood Dan and Ella’s concerns but it really wasn’t necessary. After all, Valentine’s Day was just like any other day. Sure, she thought about what had happened with Marcus a lot and it really just made her want to hide somewhere and cry her eyes out, but she wasn’t heartbroken or lonely. And yes, she did think about Lucifer and hated that he wasn’t there to talk her ears off. Hated that he hadn’t explained anything and had instead left her behind with her entire worldview upended on the floor. She missed his stupid puns. Even when the nightmares came, his eyes burning crimson and his hands covered in blood, she wished him to be the one to comfort her.

Okay, maybe she was a little lonely. But not because it was Valentine’s Day. That shit was overrated anyways. If you love someone, you love them every day of the year. Period.

She shook her head to drive those thoughts away. The elevator passed the ninth floor and came to a gentle stop, the telltale _ding_ sounding as the doors opened to reveal the penthouse. Chloe stepped out into the living are and dropped her bag on the bar. A tension she hadn’t noticed until now fell off her shoulders and she breathed deeply as she ventured further into the room.

Her steps came to a sudden stop as her eyes fell onto the piano. On top of the sleek black instrument stood an empty tumbler.

For a moment she forgot to breathe as her eyes flew around the living area, wildly searching for a sign of another person. But no one was sprawled on the couch, no one stood at the railing of the balcony. Was it possible that she had left the tumbler there during her last visit? No, she hadn’t touched his bar in weeks. This wasn’t hers. Someone else had been here.

Slowly, she risked the three steps towards the entrance of his bedroom and froze.

There he was.

He was lying on the far-left side of the huge bed, his tall frame curled up as if he was trying not to take too much space. His breathing was deep, his eyes closed. He was fast asleep. And Chloe couldn’t stop her heart from beating erratically.

The Devil.

Lucifer. He had come back.

Chloe was unable to tear her eyes away from his sleeping form. Could he really be here? Or was her sleep-deprived mind making her see things? Was she dreaming?

She pinched her thigh and, no, she was quite sure this wasn’t a dream. The glass on the piano top was undeniably real as well. Suddenly she found herself torn between running for the elevator and approaching the bed. He was the Devil. And she was quite possibly intruding.

But then again, he never used to mind. Her Lucifer would be delighted to find her in his penthouse but what about this Lucifer? Was he any different?

The answer came to her immediately: of course not. This was still the same person as the guy who juggled evidence at crime scenes, the same guy who couldn’t stop himself from making innuendoes if his life depended on it. But his eyes burned red in her dreams and she knew that was a very real side of him as well. His anger had always been a part of him.

No, he hadn’t changed. She had. Seeing him lie there, fast asleep, made it impossible to associate any kind of evil with him. And anyways, over the last two months she had almost convinced herself that she wasn’t afraid of him, either way.

Slowly, she climbed the three steps to the bedroom. His suit jacket lay discarded on the floor along with a bag. She carefully stepped around it and reached out a shaking hand towards him and it became undeniable. He was right there. Her fingertips hovered above his arm, less than an inch separating him from her. She could feel his warmth and knew she wasn’t hallucinating.

Two months. And suddenly here he was. Shit. What was she supposed to do now?

Chloe couldn’t bring herself to close the remaining distance between her fingertips and his body. Nerves kept her from waking him. She wasn’t sure, whether she was scared of him or of the conversation they’d undoubtedly have.

Eventually, she pulled back her trembling hand. She wasn’t ready. She would wait, bring her thoughts into some semblance of order before she was confronted by this new reality full force. It was one thing to know it was all true but another to talk about it. It called for another level of acceptance and she wasn’t quite sure she’d reached that one, yet. But with him asleep there was still time for her thoughts to stop whirring around her head. She had waited for answers for two months, she could wait a few hours longer.

Toeing off her shoes as silently as possible, she got ready to spend the next few hours waiting for him to wake. Carefully she lowered herself onto the far side off the bed, her heart beating out of her chest at this point, but he didn’t stir. His breaths remained steady and slow and Chloe relaxed a little with every single one until she dared to rest on the huge pillow, her eyes fixed on his back.

Part of her was exhausted, only the adrenaline served to keep her awake, but she was determined not to fall asleep. Why was that, she asked herself, and quickly found that she was afraid he’d be gone once she woke. That was a risk she wasn’t willing to take. Not now that he’d finally returned.

Daylight faded fast. This high up there were no streetlights brightening the room and soon she found it plunged in darkness but she could still make out his sleeping form. A smile flickered across her face just before she lost the fight with consciousness and drifted off to sleep. This time, there were no nightmares.

* * *

 

She didn’t know what it was that woke her. As she blinked her eyes open against the morning sun and stretched her legs out a little from the position she had slept in, she realized where she was. Adrenaline surged through her and she took a shaking breath that seemed awfully loud in the otherwise silent penthouse. Her eyes focused on his back and she witnessed the exact moment when he woke. His breathing changed and a heartbeat later he froze entirely.

Chloe stopped breathing. She knew he sensed her presence somehow. He always had. Whenever she walked into a room, Lucifer instantly knew she was there. Just like he knew now.

She blinked and he was upright, off the bed and almost pressed against the glass of the window. She sat up quickly and scooted backwards until she felt the headboard in her back. His eyes were unblinkingly fixed on her, their deep brown achingly familiar. There was confusion in them, then pain and eventually anger.

“Why? Why would you torture me like this,” he gritted out and Chloe got the feeling that the words weren’t directed at her. He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed the heels of his palms against them. “She’s not real. She’s not—not even here.”

“Lucifer?”

“No…”

“Lucifer, please, look at me?”

His hands reluctantly dropped from his face and the sheer anguish in his eyes made something in Chloe’s chest sting. He stepped closer and Chloe pressed herself further into the headboard. She knew he wouldn’t hurt her. She _knew._ And still her heart was beating out of her chest at the growing proximity.

He took a breath to speak once more but again he froze up, his eyes wide. He seemed torn between wanting to retreat to the furthest corner of the room and rushing to her side. In the end he didn’t move in either direction. “Detective, are you—?”

“Real?” she finished for him. “I am. Are you?”

“You’re here,” he breathed. “How are you here?”

Chloe swallowed and forced her fingers to uncurl from the blankets that were caught in her tight grip. “You are the one who’s been away.”

“And you were hoping I’d stay away. I understand.”

“No, that’s not—” Chloe shook her head, both hands in the air in a stop-right-there gesture. “I didn’t want you to leave in the first place. But you just up and disappeared without warning.”

“Without _warning_?” Disbelief colored Lucifer’s words. “Wasn’t what happened at the loft _warning_ enough?”

“It was _something_ alright but no reason to run away again.”

“Have I driven you mad?”

“What?”

He stepped closer, his eyes squinting as he regarded her with confusion. “You _saw_. All of me. And it’s driven you mad, hasn’t it?”

“Hold up, just stop for a second.” Chloe ran her hands through her hair which was probably already a mess. “This is not how this is going to go. You show up here after _months_ of me waiting for you and the first thing we do is fight. I don’t want that.”

“We’re not fighting.”

“Right, but if we don’t start over, we soon will. So,” Chloe sat up a little straighter and cleared her throat. “Lucifer, why did you leave?”

He looked even more incredulous, if that were possible. “You looked the Devil right in the face. I didn’t think you’d want to be around a monster like me, a murderer—I never wanted to show you like that. I frightened you. And you are the last person I ever wanted to frighten.”

“You may have shocked me but—”

“Don’t say that you weren’t scared!” His voice had taken on a harsh tone, almost commanding. “Don’t lie to me.”

“I was scared. I truly was. For weeks I had nightmares and flinched, when someone caught me unaware. But I wasn’t scared of you, Lucifer. _You_ are my partner and I know you. I still dream about—well, about your face, your eyes. But they’re dreams and whenever I wake, I want you to be there with me.”

“Why on Earth would you want that?”

“Because you make me feel safe.”

“I am the Devil, Chloe.”

“I know. I’m still here. And you better not assume that I’ll go anywhere without answers.”

His expression went from confusion to resignation. “Of course. Answers. Well, then, ask away, Detective. What is it you want to know? The meaning of life? How the universe works?”

Chloe huffed. “Believe it or not, those questions are at the very end of the list. No, what I want to know is, first and foremost,” she took a breath and steeled herself, “are you okay?”

“Am I—” He looked at a loss for words.

“You were hurt at the loft. I know you were.” In a quieter voice she added, “And then you disappeared and I feared the worst.”

He swallowed a few times, his eyes compulsively fixed on her. “I—why are you—”

“I thought I’d never see you again.”

“You aren’t scared?”

Chloe tried a tentative smile. “Why would I be here, if I was?”

“Why _are_ you here?” His brows knitted in confusion.

“I may have used your penthouse as a place to escape. To get away.”

“From me? That makes no sense.”

“Not from you. I wanted to get away from people at work pestering me about what happened. I came here to be closer to you. I figured that I was constantly thinking about you anyways, so… it made things easier somehow. Coming here, sitting at your piano, it helped me remember you. The Lucifer I know, my best friend who I’ve missed so much.”

“You can’t possibly have missed me.”

“And what makes you so sure about that?”

Chloe wasn’t sure whether she’d blinked or not but she hadn’t seen him move. His face was suddenly mere inches away from hers, crimson eyes burning into her own. Reflexively she scurried backwards until her shoulder blade hit the headboard and sent a spike of pain through her back.

“That’s exactly what I mean,” he said grimly, his eyes already back to the warm brown Chloe was used to. “No one misses the Devil.”

The reminder of just what exactly her partner was—and how could she have ever thought him to be human, when his mere presence in his moment of anger felt _otherworldly_ —left Chloe’s heart racing, even as Lucifer retreated, giving her space. “That’s not fair, Lucifer, and you know it. You meant to scare me just then. Congrats; you startled me! Anyone could have. But you are my friend, Lucifer, for fuck’s sake, of course I missed you. And guess what, so has Ella, Linda, Maze—”

“Don’t!” His voice cut through the air like a knife. “I don’t want to hear a word about that treacherous demon.”

Chloe wanted to explain, then, about what Maze had told her. The demon had sat her down and filled her in on most things that had happened between her and Pierce and how in the end Maze had stood by her friends instead of Pierce. But Chloe knew Lucifer was not in the mood to listen to any of that right now, so she held her tongue and tried a different approach.

“You’ve never lied to me. I know that, now more than ever. So, was it real? Our kiss? Everything that came with that?”

He didn’t answer straight away but when he did, his expression was sincere. “For me it was.”

“Then why would you run from it? Why didn’t you fight for it? Was I not worth fighting for?”

“Of course, you were.”

“Your actions tell me otherwise,” Chloe countered and met his gaze head on.

“It may not be much of an explanation, or excuse for that matter,” Lucifer admitted, “but, even if you weren’t, _I_ was scared.”

“Of what?”

“Of losing you.”

“Well, running away sure didn’t help that situation.”

He huffed out a laugh. “I came to the same realization, I believe.”

“Is that why you came back now?”

“I only returned to—it was a last goodbye to Los Angeles.”

Chloe was on her feet immediately. “Don’t you dare leave again! You don’t get to just leave me _again_.” She wiped furiously at the tears that started to escape the corners of her eyes. “You don’t really want to leave LA, you love it here, you love Lux. You have no reason to leave.”

“Tell me,” he laughed bitterly, his arms spread wide. “Tell me that it’s going to be the same now that you know. Tell me that you won’t look at me differently. _Tell_ me that you could feel the same for me that I feel for you.” He didn’t give her the time to answer. “You can’t. You will _never_ choose the Devil. That’s simply not something that people do.”

“Why don’t I get a say in this?” Chloe suddenly found herself yelling, anger bubbling up quickly. “You assume and assume but you don’t stop to listen to what I have to say! Why do you think I spent day after day coming to your penthouse, hm? I wanted _you_ , you idiot, no matter who you think that’s supposed to be. Devil or not, what do I care? _You_ , Lucifer, you are the man I wanted to see.”

“What would have come of it?”

“Crazy thinking here but _maybe_ we could have talked things out!”

“You really think it would be that easy?!”

“Maybe it is that easy!”

“It never is!”

Chloe was half expecting the windows to burst from his voice alone, but her own fury buried those thoughts. “How will you ever know if you don’t even try?”

“Oh, I’ve tried! But the universe is rarely inclined to be on my side, so, excuse me for expecting the worst.”

They had gravitated towards each other as they yelled, accusing fingers raised, eyes sparkling with fury. Chloe’s heart was beating out of her chest—she was almost sure he should be able to hear it—and a small part of her was yelling and screaming to _run he’s the Devil don’t piss him off._ But her gut knew he wouldn’t hurt her, so she dared to take it up another notch. “You are a coward. This isn’t the universe’s doing and this isn’t your Dad or anyone else. I can almost see why He won’t talk to you anymore!”

Lucifer’s eyes blazed red instantly and he took two quick strides towards her, knocking over the bag on the floor, its contents spilling out on the dark wood. His teeth were clenched tightly as he stared down at Chloe. “Don’t presume to know _anything_ about the relationship between me and my Father.”

“Then don’t presume to know how I feel,” she countered, her voice cold, meeting his fiery gaze without fear. She watched as the red flames died, wonder replacing the fury inside and he took half a step backwards before Chloe caught his wrist.

“Please, just stop running away from me.”

“Anyone else would be glad. But you, Chloe Decker, you run towards the Devil, no matter what he throws at you. Why is that?” He tilted his head sideways, almost as if to see her from a different angle.

“I pride myself on not being like anyone else.”

“Pride is a sin, my dear.”

“You would know.” Chloe dared to give him a small smile, then sobered again. Slowly, all the while gauging his reaction, she raised her free hand towards Lucifer’s cheek. When he fingertips touched skin, they both let out a breath neither had known they were holding. “Don’t leave. Give us a chance to work this out.”

“But what if we can’t?”

A stray tear slipped from Chloe’s eye but she ignored it. “Then we’ll cross—”

“Don’t say that,” Lucifer interrupted her. “Don’t say we’ll cross that bridge. If we can’t fix this, if we can’t work this out, I don’t know if I have it in me to survive that. Losing you, Chloe… I’m better off not knowing whether you truly hate me. That way I can pretend there’s hope and I wouldn’t even be lying to myself.”

“There is hope, Lucifer, and that’s not a lie.”

“Chloe…”

“Say you’ll stay. Please.”

His eyes searched hers, for what Chloe did not know. He stayed silent but she felt him lean into her hand still on his cheek and he hadn’t pulled his wrist from her other hand, either. The proximity made Chloe’s heart beat with something far different from fear. There was a joy in finally having him back, having him right in front of her, that warmed Chloe from the inside.

Then he closed his eyes and gently pulled away. He didn’t give her any semblance of an answer and Chloe’s alarm bells went off for no answer from him was almost always a negative but she relaxed slightly, when he gracelessly slumped down on the edge of the bed. At least he was still here. For now.

“Don’t you have anywhere to be?” he asked eventually, rubbing one hand across his eyes and forehead.

“It’s early, still. So, no. Right now, you’re not getting rid of me.” Her gaze fell onto the pile of objects scattered on the floor at her feet. “What’s all this?” she asked, wiping one hand across her cheek to get rid of any leftover tears.

“Oh, they’re just… knick-knacks. Stuff I’ve picked up on the way.”

“On the way where?”

He cleared his throat. “Well, if we’re being technical about it, it was my way back here. I suppose, I was always going to come back. If only to hand over Lux to someone else.”

“But if I hadn’t been here, if I hadn’t come to the penthouse, would you have come to me? Would you have told me that you’re back?” There was suspicion in her voice, maybe even accusation.

He hesitated but not for long. “No. I don’t think I would have.”

It hurt but it was the truth. “You didn’t want to see me again? Not even for some kind of goodbye? Just—that’s it?”

“It was more that I didn’t think you wanted to see me. Not after—not after you saw my face.”

“You didn’t even give me a chance to—I didn’t even get to say a single word.”

He grimaced. “I admit it was a little haste on my part.”

“Understatement. So, where were you these last two months?”

“All over the place, really.”

“Yeah,” Chloe huffed. “Everywhere but here. Where you should have been.”

He looked thoroughly chastised. “I see that now.”

Chloe hummed and knelt down to look through the assortment of trinkets. A small handwritten book without a title. Sheet music. A shot glass. A feather that shimmered blue and green. Several coins, the currencies of most of them unknown to Chloe. A sheriff star, real as far as Chloe can tell. “Did you steal this?”

“No, traded it. For a favor, of course. The chap told me he had extras, so he didn’t mind.”

“But what for? What use do you have for a sheriff star?”

Lucifer shuffled nervously under her gaze. “It reminded me of you.”

“The law enforcement thing, I got it.”

“That and the gold is the same shade of your hair in the sunlight.”

“Oh,” Chloe breathed, taken aback by him sharing these things so openly. “And… and the shot glass?”

“I was a bit drunk and told the bartender how much it resembled a thimble.”

Chloe couldn’t help herself. She laughed wholeheartedly and she saw him crack a smile as well. Could it be that he had thought about her the entire time that he had been away?

As if reading her thoughts, he admitted, “Most of those things relate to a memory of you in some way or another. I—they made it hurt less.”

“What?”

“You felt closer that way. Somehow.”

Her jaw dropped a tiny bit at that. The sincerity overwhelmed her and by the looks of it, it made him a little uncomfortable. Quickly, she recovered. “I suppose I did the same thing, coming to the penthouse again and again.”

“May I ask—” He struggled with his words, took a deep breath and started anew. “Did you mean it? You really don’t want me to leave again?”

She was quick to give him a smile. “Of course, I meant it. I don’t want you to leave. I want to understand. I want you to be here to explain everything to me and then I want you back as my partner.”

“Really?” Lucifer seemed genuinely taken aback.

“Yes, really.”

An expression of pure relief settled on his face. It lit up his eyes with a joy that had been absent until now. Joy to be here. Joy to have her accept him like this. Looking down at the scattered trinkets, he huffed out a laugh. “Then I suppose I don’t need these to remind me of you anymore.”

“What, so you want to just throw them out?”

“No, of course not. But they don’t serve the same purpose anymore. Not now that I’ve got the real thing.” His eyes found hers once more. “Maybe—maybe they are meant to be yours now.”

“Mine?”

“To remind you instead of me. Remind you that I never stopped thinking about you.”

“Are you serious? You would give them all to me?” Her eyes immediately turned towards the sheet music. It was handwritten as well and she swore it was Lucifer’s penmanship at the top of the page.

“If you want them, they’re yours.”

She sat there on the floor, slightly overwhelmed by it all. For two months she had thought he would never return. She had thought he didn’t care. And there he was, sitting on the edge of his bed, offering her dozens of souvenirs because, apparently, he couldn’t stop thinking about her. Well, at least they had that in common.

With a smile still playing on her lips, she picked up the sheet music to take a closer look but her eyes fell to the item underneath the papers. It was a spoon. Wooden but with intricately carved patterns and symbols. Gently, she took hold of it and she felt more than saw Lucifer tense up a little. “It’s beautiful,” she said.

“Why, thank you,” he preened but Chloe could tell he was trying to downplay his nerves.

“Did you make this?”

“I did, yes. I met an old man who was kind enough to show me how to carve them and to explain the meaning of the symbols. They’re called Love Spoons. That alone was reason enough for me to give it a try.” His grin at the double entendre made Chloe shake her head fondly. “I made it for you.”

“You made me a spoon?”

“As I said, gifting these has meaning. It is a tradition for a young man to present a Love Spoon to the girl he wishes to—well, the girl he admires.”

She raised an eyebrow and held up the spoon. “And the symbols?”

With a sigh, he pointed at the woven knot at the base. “This one promises companionship. Everlasting, even. The twisted part here, it speaks of two souls, two lives intertwining. Two life stories woven to become one. And well, the hearts are self-explanatory, I hope.”

Chloe knew she wouldn’t get him to say the words out loud but she couldn’t stop herself. “So, this spoon… what is it trying to tell me?”

His dark eyes searched for hers and her breath caught in her throat at the sincerity she found in the depths of his irises. “I am trying to tell you,” he began, paused, and then resumed. “I want you. All in. The whole deal.” He let out a shuddering breath. “So, there.”

It took Chloe’s breath away. To be loved by him, so truly and deeply, it felt right in ways that she couldn’t describe. She didn’t believe there were words to put her feelings into, a phrase could not convey what she wanted him to know in that moment, so she remained silent. Instead, she reached out to him, taking his hands. His eyes were fixed on her, open and vulnerable, and he remained still as Chloe rose until her face was on one level with his, inches between his nose and her own. The morning light placed a spark of gold in his eyes and Chloe studied them for a moment before leaning closer until their foreheads touched, their eyes closed at last.

“Okay.”

Whatever the universe wanted to throw at them, they had found back to each other. For now, that was all they needed.


End file.
